Understanding Grief and Navigating the Healing Journey

Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, one that each of us will face at some point in our lives. Yet, despite its universality, grief can feel profoundly isolating, overwhelming, and unique to those going through it. National Grief and Bereavement Day is a day dedicated to acknowledging the immense emotional and physical toll that grief can have on individuals and to remind those who are grieving that they are not alone. It serves as an invitation to communities, professionals, and loved ones to provide support, understanding, and compassion to those dealing with loss.

As a counselling agency, we recognize the diverse and deeply personal ways in which grief manifests. We also understand that providing accurate information and emotional support can be a vital part of the healing process. On this National Grief and Bereavement Day, we would like to take a moment to explore what grief is, how it affects us, and how we can navigate its many dimensions on the path to healing.

What is Grief?

At its core, grief is a natural emotional response to loss. It is the intense pain, sorrow, and sense of disorientation that we feel when someone or something we love is taken from us. Grief affects us not only emotionally, but also physically, mentally, and spiritually. It can feel as though the world has shifted, leaving us untethered and struggling to make sense of a new reality.

The causes of grief can be varied and complex. While the death of a loved one is often the most recognized cause, other significant losses can also trigger a profound grief response. These may include:

• Divorce or breakup of a relationship
• Loss of a pet
• Loss of health or mobility due to illness or injury
• Job loss or retirement
• Financial instability
• Miscarriage or infertility
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s serious illness
• The end of a long-term friendship
• Loss of safety or security after a traumatic event
• Selling a family home or moving away

Even subtle life changes, such as graduating from college, leaving a familiar community, or transitioning to a new phase of life, can evoke a sense of loss. Whatever the cause, it is important to recognize that grief is a personal experience. There is no hierarchy of losses, and each individual’s grief is valid and worthy of support.

The Grief of Losing a Loved One

The death of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences we can face. The sense of finality and the absence of the person can leave us feeling emotionally shattered. Whether the loss is sudden or anticipated, it often brings with it a whirlwind of emotions, from disbelief and anger to profound sadness and longing.

Grief after the death of a loved one is a process that takes time, and it is different for each person. The relationship we had with the deceased, the circumstances of their death, and our own coping mechanisms all shape the way we navigate this emotional terrain. Though it may seem impossible in the beginning, with time and support, the intense pain of grief can begin to soften, allowing us to find ways to honor our loved one’s memory while continuing to live our own lives.

Common Myths About Grief

Many of us hold preconceived ideas about grief that may not reflect its true complexity. Here are a few common myths about grief—and the facts that can help us better understand the grieving process:

·        Myth: Grief is the same, regardless of the type of loss.
Truth: Every loss brings its own unique form of grief.
Grief varies depending on the relationship and circumstances of the loss. Losing a parent differs from losing a spouse, child, or friend. Each relationship brings different emotions, and each form of grief is unique.

·        Myth: Crying is essential to grieving.
Truth: Grief doesn’t always involve tears.
Not everyone cries when grieving, and a lack of tears doesn’t mean someone isn’t grieving. Personal temperament, cultural norms, and even shock can influence whether or not a person cries. Grief can take many forms, and crying is just one possible way to express it, but it’s not necessary to show deep sadness.

·        Myth: The pain will go away faster if you just ignore it.
Truth: Avoiding grief only delays healing.
Some people believe that staying busy or avoiding their grief will make it disappear. However, suppressing grief only postpones the healing process and can lead to emotional and physical issues like depression or anxiety. Confronting and processing grief is essential for true healing, even though it can be painful.

·        Myth: The first year is the hardest.
Truth: Grief doesn’t follow a specific timeline.
It’s often said that the first year of grief is the most difficult, but grief ebbs and flows over time. Anniversaries, special dates, and unexpected reminders can trigger strong emotions years later. Grief doesn’t operate on a strict timeline and can resurface at any point.

·        Myth: Moving on means forgetting the person you lost.
Truth: Moving on means finding a way to live with the loss.
Moving forward after a loss doesn’t require erasing memories or feelings for the person who has passed. Instead, it involves finding ways to carry the memory of that person with you while continuing to live your life. Grief evolves over time, allowing you to honor and remember the person while adapting to life without them. It’s about integrating the loss, not leaving it behind

·        Myth: Grief eventually ends.
Truth: Grief doesn’t go away; it evolves.
Grief isn’t something that fades entirely. Over time, it may become less intense, but it can resurface unexpectedly, especially during significant dates or memories. The goal isn’t to get over grief but to learn to live with it as it transforms over time.

Understanding the truths behind these myths helps highlight that grief is highly individual. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and each person’s experience is shaped by their relationship with the deceased and their own coping mechanisms.

The Stages of Grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the "Five Stages of Grief" in her work with terminally ill patients. These stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are often used to describe the emotional journey that many people experience when faced with loss. While not everyone moves through these stages in a linear fashion, they can offer insight into the different emotions that arise during the grieving process.

• Denial: “This can’t be happening.” Denial helps us survive the initial shock of loss.
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?” Anger is a natural response to feelings of helplessness and injustice.
• Bargaining: “If only I could change this, then things would be different.” Bargaining reflects our desire to regain control or reverse the loss.
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.” Deep sadness and withdrawal are common as we begin to accept the reality of the loss.
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.” Acceptance is not about forgetting but about learning to live with the loss.

It is important to note that not everyone experiences all of these stages, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Kübler-Ross herself emphasized that these stages were not meant to be prescriptive but rather descriptive of common reactions to loss.

The Roller Coaster of Grief

While the Five Stages of Grief provide a helpful framework for understanding emotional responses to loss, many people find that grief feels less like a step-by-step process and more like a roller coaster. There are highs and lows, moments of intense pain, and moments of calm reflection. It’s important to recognize that this emotional turbulence is normal.

For most people, the acute, overwhelming pain of loss gradually subsides over time, but grief may continue to resurface at unexpected moments, such as anniversaries, holidays, or life milestones. These “grief triggers” can bring back feelings of sadness, but they are also opportunities to remember and honor the person or situation we have lost.

Symptoms of Grief

Grief manifests in many ways—emotionally, physically, mentally, and even spiritually. Common emotional symptoms include shock, disbelief, sadness, guilt, anger, and fear. These emotions may ebb and flow over time, and it’s important to acknowledge them as part of the grieving process.

Grief can also affect us physically. It may lead to fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, aches and pains, insomnia, or changes in appetite. Because grief impacts the whole person, it’s essential to care for both our emotional and physical health as we navigate this challenging time.

Coping with Grief: What Helps?

While grief is a personal journey, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain and begin to heal. Here are some strategies that can support the grieving process:

• Acknowledge your pain: Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise.
• Accept your emotions: Grief can bring unexpected and complex feelings. Allow yourself to experience them without judgment.
• Seek support: Lean on friends, family, or a support group for understanding and comfort.
• Take care of your physical health: Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and physical activity to maintain your energy and resilience.
• Create rituals: Finding ways to honor the memory of your loved one, such as lighting a candle or creating a scrapbook, can be a meaningful part of the healing process.
• Talk to a professional: A grief counsellor or therapist can offer valuable support as you work through your emotions.

Finding Support

The pain of grief can make us want to withdraw from others, but connection is vital to healing. Surround yourself with people who care about you, and don't be afraid to reach out for help. Whether through family, friends, faith communities, or professional counselling, there is support available to help you through the most difficult moments.

Helping Others Through Grief

Supporting someone through grief can feel challenging, but your presence and care can make a significant difference. Here are some ways to offer support to someone grieving:

• Listen without judgment: Allow them to share their feelings without offering unsolicited advice or trying to “fix” their grief.
• Offer practical help: Simple acts like bringing meals, running errands, or helping with childcare can provide much-needed relief during difficult times.
• Be patient: Grief has no timetable. Let the person know you are there for them, even in the long-term.
• Encourage professional help: If someone’s grief becomes too intense for them to manage on their own, suggest they seek help from a counsellor or grief support group.

Conclusion

On National Grief and Bereavement Day, we come together to acknowledge the pain of loss and honor the resilience of those who grieve. If you are experiencing grief, know that you are not alone. There is no “right” way to grieve, and healing takes time. By understanding the nature of grief and seeking support from loved ones, community, or professionals, you can begin to navigate your own path through this difficult journey. Grief may not go away, but with time and care, it becomes a part of life that you can carry forward, while still cherishing the memories of those you have lost.