Keeping the ‘Fun’ in Dysfunctional: How to Enjoy Holidays with Family

Embrace Imperfection

No family is perfect, and the holidays often highlight our quirks and flaws. Rather than striving for an idealized version of the season, remind yourself that imperfections are part of what makes family gatherings special. Your uncle’s off-key caroling, the burnt casserole, or your cousin’s endless anecdotes may seem irritating in the moment but can become cherished stories you laugh about later.

The key is to focus on what truly matters—sharing time together, showing kindness, and finding joy in small moments. When you let go of perfection, you create space for genuine connections.

Set Realistic Expectations

Of course, we acknowledge that families can be a lot more complicated than this. It’s important to go into the holidays with realistic expectations. Family gatherings often bring together people with different opinions, habits, and personalities. Understanding this ahead of time can help you stay calm when conflicts arise.

Remember your boundaries  and be mindful  of the situations you choose to engage in. Not every disagreement or moment of discomfort needs to be confronted—sometimes, stepping back and choosing peace over being "right" is the wisest move.

If your mother-in-law criticizes your cooking or your sibling starts a heated debate, remind yourself that these moments don’t have to ruin the day. As they say, "choose your battles wisely".  Protect your energy and focus on what aligns  with your well-being. After all, the holidays are about creating memories, not adding stress.

Communicate and Plan Ahead

Clear communication is essential for a smoother holiday experience. If you’re navigating multiple family gatherings, discuss plans with your spouse or partner early. Decide how you’ll split your time between families and communicate  this plan to everyone involved. This helps avoid last-minute confusion and sets clear expectations.

When sensitive topics arise—like which traditions to follow or how to handle gift-giving—approach the conversation with kindness. Explain your preferences while remaining open  to others’ ideas. For instance, if your family always opens gifts on Christmas morning but your in-laws prefer Christmas Eve, consider alternating or finding a compromise  that works for everyone.

Focus on Gratitude

The holidays can be hectic, but they’re also an opportunity to reflect on what we’re grateful  for. Instead of dwelling on frustrations, try to focus on the positives. Perhaps your in-laws are overbearing, but their love for your children shines through in the thoughtful gifts they bring. Maybe your family’s traditions feel outdated, but they’re rooted in a desire to connect and celebrate together.

Did you know that a 2018 study (Psychological Science) found that practicing gratitude can lower levels of anxiety?

When you shift your perspective toward gratitude, it becomes easier to appreciate the quirks and efforts of those around you. This doesn’t mean ignoring challenges, but it helps to balance  frustration with appreciation.

Find Humor in the Chaos

Family gatherings often come with their fair share of funny, awkward, or downright bizarre moments. Instead of letting these moments frustrate you, try to find the humor in them. Laughing together can be a great way to diffuse tension and build bonds.

You might even turn the chaos into a fun game. For example, create a lighthearted “family bingo” where you check off predictable moments, like someone telling an old story or a dish that doesn’t turn out as planned. Humor can turn potential stress into an opportunity for connection.

Create New Traditions

While honoring old traditions is important, the holidays are also a chance to create new ones. If existing family customs don’t align with your current situation, consider introducing fresh activities that reflect your own values and priorities.

For example, if big family dinners feel overwhelming, suggest a smaller, more casual gathering where everyone contributes a dish. Or, if your extended family lives far apart, organize a virtual holiday game night to keep everyone connected.

New traditions don’t have to replace old ones—they can complement them and create fresh memories to cherish.

Keep the Kids Happy

Children often play a big role in family gatherings, and their happiness can set the tone for the event. Prepare them for the day by explaining what to expect, especially if they’re meeting relatives they don’t see often.

Bring along activities to keep them entertained and be patient if they become overwhelmed or fussy. Family gatherings can be just as stressful for kids as they are for adults, so a little extra understanding goes a long way.

Final Thoughts: Look for the Good

At the heart of it all, the holidays are about love and connection. Even if things get chaotic or tensions arise, try to look for the good in your family and in-laws. Celebrate the moments of laughter, the shared meals, and the effort everyone puts into coming together.

By focusing on what unites you rather than what divides you, you can create a holiday experience that feels meaningful and joyful, no matter how “dysfunctional” things might seem.

So this year, embrace the imperfections, find humor in the quirks, and celebrate the love that brings you all together. After all, the holidays are less about perfection and more about the moments that make you smile—even when things don’t go exactly as planned.