It’s Not You, It’s Your Resolutions

The Pressure of a “Fresh Start”: Is It Really Necessary?

January often brings with it the idea of a “fresh start.” The new year can feel like the only time to make significant changes. Society places heavy emphasis on setting new goals, often with a sense of urgency to make drastic transformations. There’s an underlying belief that we need to completely reinvent ourselves. This external pressure, combined with societal standards of success, beauty, and productivity, can create a sense of inadequacy if we feel we’re not measuring up.

While the concept of a fresh start can be motivating, it also comes with unrealistic expectations. The obsession with rapid, dramatic changes—whether it’s getting fit, losing weight, or "becoming your best self"—can lead to feelings of failure when progress is slower than expected. And if we don’t meet the high bar set by social media trends or personal perfection, we often feel like we’ve failed.

The relentless pressure to transform ourselves in one sweeping moment can be overwhelming. When things don’t go as planned—especially when we’re trying to change everything at once—it can trigger stress, anxiety, and self-criticism. If the fresh start isn’t perfect, it’s easy to feel like giving up entirely.

We help clients reframe the idea of New Year’s resolutions from a quest to drastically change yourself into an opportunity to improve yourself. The goal isn’t to become someone else, but to build on what’s already good and strong within you. Therapy can guide you to focus on strengthening the positive qualities, habits, and skills you already possess, and find ways to expand those in a sustainable, realistic manner.

It’s not about “reinventing” yourself, but about becoming the best version of who you already are.

Instead of the overwhelming idea of overhauling your life, therapy helps break down your goals into manageable, incremental steps that fit your unique needs and pace. Personal growth is not about starting from scratch—it’s about progress. The journey is more about consistency and patience than making dramatic changes overnight.

By learning to set realistic goals, reduce external pressures, and focus on self-improvement rather than drastic change, you can create meaningful, lasting progress throughout the year.

Vague Goals Don’t Work

Another common mistake is setting vague or broad resolutions. Phrases like "be healthier" or "be more organized" sound nice but lack the specificity needed to drive real change.

When a goal is not clearly defined, it’s easy to get lost in the process or forget why it mattered in the first place. Without a clear plan or measurable goals, it’s easy to get distracted, lose focus, or feel uncertain about what exactly you need to do to succeed. When goals lack specificity, they often don’t inspire enough commitment.

Through goal-setting strategies in therapy, we can help you transform vague intentions into clear, actionable steps. For example, instead of "getting healthier," we can focus on goals like “I will go for a 20-minute walk three times a week” or “I will meal prep for the week every Sunday.” Breaking goals down into smaller, manageable actions increases your chances of success and allows for easier tracking of progress.

Focusing on Outcomes, Not the Journey

Another key factor in resolution failure is the emphasis on outcomes rather than the process itself. Many resolutions are driven by a desire for immediate results: lose weight fast, get that promotion, finish the project. However, this focus on the “end goal” can overshadow the necessary effort and persistence required to get there.

When the focus is only on the desired result, it can be easy to become discouraged by setbacks or slow progress. The process of growth, learning, and adapting is often left out of the equation, which can undermine long-term motivation.

In therapy, we emphasize the importance of the process over the outcome. For example, instead of only focusing on weight loss, we might explore how you can build a healthier relationship with food and exercise. By focusing on developing new, positive habits and behaviours, you’ll be able to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

Strength in Numbers

Making lasting change can be hard, especially if you’re going it alone. Often, people fail to incorporate support or accountability into their resolutions, which can lead to feelings of isolation or giving up when faced with obstacles.

Without someone to share the journey with, it’s easy to lose motivation or give up. Accountability provides structure, encouragement, and a sense of connection that can be crucial for sticking to your goals. Additionally, having someone to hold you accountable makes it harder to backtrack or procrastinate.

One of the key benefits of therapy is the built-in accountability. Having a therapist or coach to support you can increase your chances of success. They provide you with provides a non-judgmental space for you to track your progress, work through obstacles, and celebrate successes. Therapy can also help you explore any underlying psychological barriers (e.g., perfectionism, self-doubt) that might be hindering your progress.

The Underlying Causes of Sabotage 

Sometimes, our resolutions fail because of deeper emotional barriers we might not even be aware of. Feelings of guilt, fear, or low self-worth can sabotage our best efforts. For example, someone who has a deep-seated fear of failure may unconsciously avoid setting goals because they don’t believe they deserve success, or they may self-sabotage when progress is being made.

If we don’t address the emotional or psychological factors that are holding us back, any positive progress is likely to be short-lived. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can create an invisible barrier between us and our goals.

If we don’t address the emotional or psychological factors that are holding us back, any positive progress is likely to be short-lived. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can create an invisible barrier between us and our goals.

The Importance of Self-Compassion

Many people struggle with their resolutions because they aren’t kind to themselves when they slip up. When things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves—especially in January, when we feel the pressure to start fresh and perfect.

Self-criticism can trigger feelings of shame and defeat, which, ironically, make it harder to get back on track. The more we punish ourselves for “failing,” the more likely we are to give up on our resolutions altogether.

One of the most important tools we use in therapy is self-compassion. Learning to treat yourself with kindness and understanding—especially when things don’t go as planned—can help you bounce back more quickly and stay on course. A compassionate mindset helps you focus on progress, not perfection.